The real metal of personal growth is discipline. Discipline is strengthened through (wait for it) accountability. There is no gain without the energy and transformational power of holding oneself accountable or being accountable to those around us. However, when I look at the antonym of accountability I see blameless.
Let’s take the word blameless apart. Blame – triggered by judgement, a make wrong. Blame triggers defensiveness and diminishes are ability to examine what went wrong. Less – reducing the occurrence of something. Blame – less translates to blame yourself less using accountability as a tool for choosing differently.
Conflict, breakdowns, failure, all these are moments for immense and innovative learning. Breakdowns are opportunities for breakthroughs. Saying I want something to change and then doing nothing won’t get it done. Giving yourself permission to be accountable, without judgement or blame can be a powerful tool in achieving your goals.
My mother was fond of saying, “A man full of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.” Boy was she right. This winter, thanks to Covid and my excellent cooking, I put on more weight than I like. I declared I wanted to lose the weight. Being active was easy, however, those chocolate cookies, cakes and wonderful creamy dishes kept showing up on the table and I – consumed them. Did I drop those pounds, no.
Discipline is how we live out our plans. It is an everyday act of playing the long game. it means looking forward, being adaptable and resisting blame. You know when you feel blamed or are blaming yourself, it’s a life sucker. There are body signals. For me, I begin to emotionally look for a way out, I can feel my face get hot, I am embarrassed, and sometimes my breathing increased. I watch people redden when they feel blamed or are blamed for something.
Remember the Gremlin, you’ll find it in the thick of the plan, gnawing away at your determination, chewing on the soft underbelly of your resistance. Ignore it and stay the course. Pave your path with forgiveness, mercy and self-love, then stay the course.
Discipline like anything else gets stronger the more we use it. I have said this before. Plan your Work, Work your Plan. Build discipline, strengthen resilience and stay your course.
Coming in March: Spring Cleaning, Clearing out the Clutter