The other night my kids were watching the movie, A Christmas Carol. They turned it off half way through because my youngest daughter didn’t understand it and lost interest. Later she asked me about it and I began to tell her the story. As I was telling her the meaning behind the story it occurred to me that Ebenezer Scrooge is the ultimate example of what happens when our gremlins (negative self-talking monsters) become larger than life. When I considered the subtext of Scrooge’s behavior and words, “Bah Humbug!” the unspoken message to me was, “I’m not getting hurt again!” As his heart closed from loss and perceived betrayal, he became more withdrawn and cut off from the world.
This time of year the lines between the haves and have nots become so clear. People give more to charity at this time of year than at any other time. It is hard to ignore people begging on the streets as others walk by with their arms full of presents. It was so in Dickens’ time and it is still true today. There are a few ways to keep yourself from closing up, even if you have less money this year than last, or you are experiencing a sense of loss or grief in your life. There is a reason we have a phrase called, “The Holiday blues.” It’s because more people feel depressed during this time of year that at other times.
In my coaching practice, I have a phrase that I use: “Your feelings are real they aren’t necessarily true.” Try this right now. Allow yourself to think of a memory or a time you felt sad and then notice how you begin to feel. Soon you will start to feel sad in this moment even though there is nothing going on to make you sad, except that you thought about it. In my acting training we called this phenomenon, “Sense Memory.” It is an ability of the human mind to recall an event and experience the feelings as if they were happening right now. Our environments can produce conditions that remind us of a time we were sad and then the feelings start.
Many people overlook this or think it is real in the moment. One way to deal with this is to notice the feeling and name it. You can even say “I feel sad.” Take a moment to let yourself experience it and then ask yourself in the moment, “what is making me feel this way?” You may be experiencing a sense memory recall without even realizing it. I cry every time I hear the song, “Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” My family knows it and I expect it every time so it’s not that strange when I begin to cry every time that song comes on. I’m ok with it. It lets me know my heart is open- while that might scare some people; I’m more scared of not feeling than of feeling.
On the other hand, if you do see someone in need this Holiday season and you do feel sad or empathetic in the moment that also demonstrates that your heart is open. It doesn’t mean you can rescue and save everyone, it simply means you are being present and a witness to another person’s suffering. Be thankful you can feel that way. It is your humanity and your heart responding and it’s ok.
Keeping your heart open to what is around you is a choice. Much like Ebenezer finally did in the movie A Christmas Carol, this Holiday Season give others the gift of your presence, your attention, and your compassion. Be joy, be love, and most of all be open. When Scrooge runs out of his home on Christmas morning, one can’t help but be touched by his humanity and how long it took him to get there. Don’t wait for the ghosts of the past to wake you up to the present. Wake up now and enjoy all that this season has to offer.