As a coach, I frequently find myself in discussions about goal-setting, law of attraction, and other self-help topics that are designed to improve the quality of our lives. Being a coach, I slip easily into these conversations and often find myself in a place of listening or sharing tools and resources that I’ve found helpful in my own life and in the lives of my clients. I forget sometimes that not everyone spends as many hours as I do thinking about such things, forgetting that most families don’t talk that way to each other and most workplaces are not designed around the people who work in them.
It may come as no surprise to anyone then that I talk to my kids in much the same way. I use the language of possibility and empowerment because it is the language I know. My children are used to it- though my daughters are fond of saying, “Don’t coach me mom!” and then telling me a story of something that happened at school where they invariably use something I’ve said on one of their friends.
I’ve also shared in the past that some of my best learning moments come from my children. Seeing the world through their eyes enables me to view life in other perspectives and often in ways that solve problems or inspire me to try something new that ends up being more effective than anything I might have come up with.
This learning moment comes from my daughter Chloe who just completed her first year of playing soccer. Up until now, she has not wanted to play any sports or sign up for recreational activities, despite my invitation to do so. I followed her lead and allowed her to choose. This year she wanted to try soccer because of one of her friends. At first I wasn’t going to sign her up. We had tried another sport 4 years ago and every practice was a fight. By the end of the season she didn’t even want to go to the games. I wasn’t doing that again.
This time was different. This time she chose the sport and the timing. She also stated at the beginning of the season that she was going to score a goal. She was so determined and played the first few games with such focus and heart, even though she didn’t know the sport very well. The fall season came and went. She didn’t score a goal. She didn’t seem too upset about it- after all she still had spring to look forward to. In the meantime, she threw herself into her next big project: her youtube channel.
Spring season started up and each game came and went, and still no goals. She came close several times and continued to show enthusiasm for the sport. The last 2 games in particular, she played really well- she was focused and determined. Finally in the second half of the last game of the season, she scored a goal. I cheered like it was the World Series! I couldn’t believe it- and yet I wasn’t surprised, not even a little. I could tell she was proud and even though her team lost, no one was upset. Everyone was so happy for her. She had enrolled all of us into her goal and when she reached it, we all felt like we had reached it as well. It was an awesome moment.
Stick to it!
I’d like to say this is because I’m a life coach, but it’s not. It’s because she declared her goal, shared it with others and stuck to it, believing all the time that she could. She didn’t falter in that and I’m certain that had she not gotten that goal, she would have been ok- and set her sights to next year- but that outcome doesn’t seem right either.
Perhaps it’s best to look at another Chloeism for the answer. About a month ago, she didn’t reach her goal of getting the Presidential Award in PE and for a little bit she felt bad, but then in her own mind she thought, and these are her words, “ You know mom, even though I didn’t get the Presidential award, in my head I thought, just because I didn’t get the award, doesn’t mean I’m not presidential.” I’ve shared that story several times because I think it’s such a great perspective to have. Getting stopped, stuck, and depressed about not getting something robs us of the moments for when we do! Had she decided she wasn’t good enough in that moment, maybe she would have gotten the goal, maybe she wouldn’t have, I don’t know, but I do know that an untethered spirit goes so much farther than one that gets stuck, mired and bogged down in disappointment and regret.
As a parent and a coach, I cherish these moments. These are the ones that count. I still get stopped and stuck sometimes, but then I remember my children and what I want for them and I keep going. It’s the only way that works for me. What works best for you? How do you get unstuck? It’s a question worth spending some time on. If you want to see me in action, click on the video link below. I ran in a 5K a few weeks ago and felt awesome at the end. This is of me crossing the finish line. I’m the one waving my arms in blue. Crossing the finish line
Suzanne